Kallie T. Cat
Hey hooman. My name is Kallie, and I own the Capitol. I appreciate your patronage.
A lot of people don’t know this, but I think I can confide in the internetz. When I first came to the Capitol I had some buns in the oven, and gave them up for adoption. That was a dark chapter in my life, and I won’t be repeating it. I exhibited some bad behavior during that time, but have turned over a new leaf for the most part. I’m a pretty substantial introvert, due mostly to my street-cat roots. I like petting if it’s my idea, and I like groups of people as long as they treat me like a disinterested human. No enthusiastic pursuits, please, and certainly no picking me up.
Though you are a hooman and I am feline royalty, we probably have a lot in common. I prefer anything chewy, like bugs and small rodents (not canned cat food. It’s Purina Cat Chow across the line). That said, I don’t really dig popcorn or candy, though it is fun to play with.
I also consider myself a film and theatre fan. I’m of the opinion that there are a lot of great feline actors—Blofeld’s cat in the James Bond films, Baby in Bringing Up Baby, Aslan in The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, Church in Pet Sematary, General Sterling Price in True Grit, Jonesy in Alien, DC in That Darn Cat, and Cat in Breakfast at Tiffany’s all turned in fabulous performances. In the realm of independent filmmakers, I’m very fond of Henri the Existential Cat and Grumpy Cat, and Trololo cat gets me every time, though I tend to play it pretty close to the vest and rarely laugh out loud. Of course, it goes without saying that Cats is one of my favorite musicals. Any show where humans imitate us is sometimes flattering and always a riot.
Promoting my favorite musical: CATS
When I’m not working, I like socializing with my dog friends through the front window. Brown Dog is my favorite, though she’s gotten much taller since we’ve been friends. I love a good confrontation, and terriers are the best. All bark and no substance. I’m rather theatrical, and if I am feeling up to it I like to put on shows for the passing children; my best performances are usually in sleeping and rolling from side to side. I do wish people wouldn’t tap on the glass, though, especially when I am napping. Some audiences need to be trained in the finer points of arts patronage.
One of my other favorite pastimes is a competitive sport I call “Ball.” I enlist the help of an assistant to throw a ball on the stairs, or roll it down the aisle, and I chase it. It may sound easy, but the skills that I have can only be acquired with many hours of practice. In my free time, I’m currently training for the worldwide Olympics of Ball, to take place in Milan in 2016.
Come visit me sometime, by yourself or in a very small group. I may be happy to see you.